Are you recently divorced? Are you struggling with the issues surrounding your divorce and finding it difficult? And are you carrying the burden of knowing it is especially difficult for your children? Have you worried about the impact your divorce may have on your children? Let us discuss 6 tips you can start using now to address head on any issues that your children may be having.
1. Communication with your children is important. Take time to sit down with your children and listen to them. Encourage them to say what they are thinking and feeling. Focus on listening and thanking your children for their honesty. If you see your child struggling with a difficult emotion, help him or her manage his or her feelings. Consider trying to model healthy coping, including labeling your emotion, stating that it is okay to feel that way, and talking about how you try to cope with your tough feelings. Be sure to set up opportunities to talk with your children about how it is going on a regular basis for at least 2-3 years, the period that is most impactful for children.
2. When referring to your ex around your children, do not speak negatively or disrespectfully. Research shows that the single biggest factor in long-term adjustment for children of divorce is the level of parental conflict they see. It puts children in a tough spot if they have to take sides or listen to negative things said about one of their parents. It is important to acknowledge real events, such as one parent moving out of the family home. Acknowledge what has happened and answer questions truthfully and honestly, but do not feel pressured to explain your ex’s behavior.
3. If you and your ex do not get along, do not use your children as messengers. There are plenty of other ways to send messages to your ex, so do not use your children for this. In addition, while it may be okay to ask about what your child did while with his or her other parent, try not to use your child to find out what is happening in the other household. Your children may resent it when they feel they are being asked to spy on the other parent. Whenever possible, try to communicate directly with the other parent, or with the third party, like your child’s school, sports, or other activities.
4. If you or your ex have a new partner you need to plan for your children to struggle with them, especially if the new partner has kids. New relationships, blended families, and remarriages can be among the hardest parts of the divorce process. Continue having regular conversations and allow for one-on-one time with each parent. Watch for signs of stress to help prevent problems from growing.
5. Seek community support. Support from friends, relatives, church or religious groups, and other community organizations can help parents and children adjust to separation and divorce. Children can meet others who have developed successful relationships with separated parents, and can discover that they are not the only children who feel the way they feel. These groups can also provide support for parents, who will need help as they adjust to their new life.
6. You should encourage your children to have a healthy, positive relationship with your ex. Try to make an effort to accommodate the visitation schedule and unforeseen changes. The best outcome may be for your children to have positive relationships with both of their parents.
For assistance navigating the divorce process and related legal issues, please feel free to reach out to our office to schedule a meeting time. At the Law Offices of Suzanne St. Luce, P.A., our staff is qualified to offer a wide range of legal services. Our attorney has over 20 years of experience and we want to help you with your case. We take all cases… Personally. Please contact us for questions related to your specific situation.